5 doggy boys happy reunion.

Yes, there's 5, not 4 boys. Carter, Curtis, Casey Ceska are all here. So do Cory. They occupied the whole corner.

I love this sentence I find today.

Sunday's newspaper is worth to read. I find this famous sentense that's written so good by one of my idol writer:

"If ever memory has a smell, it is the scent of camphor, sweet and cosy like remembered happiness, sweet and forlorn like forgotten sorrow."

*******

I didn't learn what I want and who I want from the gone summer of this year. But I learned what I don't want and who I don't want in return. That's good for me, at least I learned something clearly and thoughtfully, without regretness.

*******

Casey and Ceska left me after one week vacation with me. They r just lovely. N's back from trip and take them back. N's lovely too. Hope she's happy and far away from childish mistakes. I miss days with Carter, Curtis, Cory, Casey and Ceska altogether.

To grow, is to learn how to keep my mouth shut.

Work has already makes me exhausted.

My September, My 6 boys.

I decided to stop this blog at last Tuesday midnight as I think it's really meaningless to write trashy words anymore. But I failed, coz I want to continue to write about my 6 doggy boys, Eddy (dead in 2002), Carter, Curtis, Cory (dead in Nov 2003), Casey, Ceska and my own life. At the end, it's my blog, Chet Chan's own blog, right? That's what I think finally.

*******

N's birthday is on the coming Monday, she told me she will go with her mum to their motherland (that they are Spainish-mix), from today to coming wednesday. Of coz I know it's not the truth. She goes trip with her one I know. I didn't told her that I know she's lying. I keep my mouth shut. She ask me if she can put Casey and Ceska in my flat. I answer Yes without second thinking, I miss Casey and Ceska so much I want to live with them for some days. Then, when I got back from work at 430am, I got up at early morning, to get Casey boy and Ceska boy. They miss me so much too. And now 4 brothers are on my flat. Though it's troublesome for other people, I feel really happy with them 4 (though they are really troublesome indeed...), especially when they lick me kiss me wholeheartedly. They are my good boy.

*******

This month, my bro has to take his last professional course, and I have to give him quite a lot of money to continue his ambition. I am his bro, of course I must give him all he wants. And my new wallet, which bought me from Japan from my best friend, has not much left. It's only the middle of the month, and my situation is not so good actually.

*******

I have told u all, that my 5-yr-old imac is very sick b4. He's better for last week, but I know he isn't. He died this week, exactly on Wednesday morning. Maybe he knows I may not need him anymore at home. Maybe he treats me so well that he allows me to copy all the data and files out before his real death. Anyway, he's dead, and he treats me well in these 5 years time. I must thank him.

*******

I read a lot these days. I read after I pull my exhausted body to my flat after work. I read before I sleep. I read when morning comes. I read when I am in MTR and taxi. I read Lawrence Block's fictions and I read Monster the comix. I enjoy them a lot, especially when I dont want to go out drink. I prefer drink by my own at my flat silently. One of my best friends send me the song "Firework at the end of the century" the canton pop song, and I am listening to it all the time.

*******

Many wordings I forget and some wordings I remember for life. The problem is, the wordings I remember very very clear in my mind, are all real bad wordings. I want to forget them all, but the harder I try to forget, the deeper I remember them all. I want them leave me totally, but seems they love me so much , stay with me and haunted me.

*******

That's a SMS I want to send out but I control myself and instead, I send to my own: I suddenly think of the night u wait me till 5am and felt asleep at the corner seat, I wake u up, that's a Saturday night. Then we take taxi to somewhere, u eat breakfast. It maybe happened in June 05. Or maybe I remember wrong. Or maybe I am drunk now it's just my imagine. I forget which version is true now.

*******

From the very first beginning till today, it's exactly 4 mothes time now. The starting time is 17/05/05 and it's already 17/09/05. Up and down, rollercoaster trip, and typhoon visits us today. Hope typhoon blows hard enough to erase everything completely, then rain heavily, then everyone is cleaned and has a new good start. Though I don't think I have such a luck to be cleaned completely myself.

*******

To grow, is to learn how to keep my mouth shut.

*******

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival, especially for the one who love Mid-Autumn Festival.

Bathing dogs.

At the end, I bath Carter and Curtis tonight. I can go out play, but I choose to bath them.

Carter asks : Papa, will she goes up help u bath us as what u said?
I answer : Silly, she wont and she may not anymore.
Curtis : Does she hate us so much? I like to be with her like b4. She likes us also.
I say : Everything has an expiry date. Expired is expired. Simple. She has her own happy life.
Carter goes into bathroom without saying anymore. He is a good boy. He keeps silent during I bath him. Carter is the big bro, he knows what I mean.

Next, Curtis the gentle boy.

When I bath him, he asks : Papa, r u sad?
I answer precisely hope he won't get hurted too : No, I am happy, silly. I am happy I got u 2 besides me. And I enjoy bath u 2, that I can really concentrate on 1 simple thing--to make u 2 clean enough. U know papa likes simple thing. It's very meaningful to me already. So I am happy. I am happy that u 2 r so real to me, wholeheartedly.

We 3 have a happy nite, hugging each other tight to sleep, Carter and Curtis smell good, though I am exhausted inside and outside.

(P.S. I have told u I have the ability to talk to doggies. And what I wrote above, r all real things. U may treat me as a psycho, but I am not. They 2 know.)

Weird dream.

I dream of u at friday nite, a concrete dream I must write it down.

We are at a corner of a kitchen in a house, where it is I don't know. It's a crowded house as everyone is in the dining part outside the kitchen. I found U cut yr hair quite a lot already, just like we didn't meet each other for some yrs already.

We are in the kitchen, I touch yr right ear just like b4. U stare at me and stay silent gently, the meaning I don't know. And then I push myself don't wake but turnout woke at once and found it's already 1230pm at saturday. Weird enough?

Come on, it's not an erotic dream u all think of. Never.

Gentle boy.

Holy, I am fucking happy.

Don't expect I will write anything abt u tonite, I am holy fucking happy, holy fucking carefree, and nothing to worry, not one second I am worrying now. And so I won't write about u tonight.

The world is so good and perfect for me, I really praise what the world makes for me. I am really fucking happy.

And yes, as u know, I am a fucking big mouth trashy jerk at the end of the day. Your judgement is so very precise and concrete, ok?

I use 7 fucking words and 3 oks, I can count coz I am not drunk. I enjoy my teeth bite each other hard actually, ok, so I must be a fucking guy. U waste your 1 minute looking at my blog now.

Pls understand clearly, I am fucking happy and satisifed, so do u, ok?

EK.

Last night I have some strange experience during dining and talking with EK.

What EK shown me and talked to me may change my life totally, towards another direction.

I must thank him for all of that. He transfers many of his cleverness to me, when I am so very confusing and sad in different aspects of my life: relationship, work, family, everything not fine seems come to me at the same time recently.

And when I can organize everything thoughtfully in my mind, I will write down all he shown me last night, just hope u will learn from them too.

Life's still hard for me, teeth still bite each other hard. Let time tell.

I have a good night, finally.

Wake at 930am suddenly yesterday (if u know who i am, u will know how weird this happened for me), and some thought come to my mind. Many times when I am very confusing, some thought just go into my mind directly. I am lucky enough. And I say Yes to my thought. Yes, thing should be like this. Simple but not messy. I just love simple thing.

Then after work, meet N at night. She's the most important one for me for many years. We have good food, good drinks and good talk. I treasure how she treats our relationship. We broke sadly, hurting each other deeply, and turnout we still can be like this, what's more can I ask for?

N, like me, makes many many poor decisions after we broke. Pick the wrong ones, turnout hurting ourselves stupidly. It's time we should turn our new page and not to be hurted by others again. We are both grown ones already. If u r watching, hope u understand.

And then I can put down many many things finally, even something I rate the most important in the past. Maybe I can go cinema again, even I am going alone.

Hangover's solution.

Hangover is the state that u drank a lot and wake up wif your headache and yr mind just so dizzy. I drank much more than u all these years, so pls pay some attention on what I write down here. I am not an expert, the world is not around me, I am not pround ok, I just have some experience, and U need it.

1) drink MILK when u wake.

If u hate milk just like me (I never drink milk when I am a baby that my mum told me, of coz she think I am weird enough), drink some hk style milk-tea. It really helps and will wakes u up within 15 mins time. I know your fringe may have no milk, just go down supermarket, buy it, and drink it.

2) if your headache is serious, go drug store around yr corner, buy a pack of pill called NUROFEN.

It's the best pain-stopping pill in the world confirmed by expert doctors, and it's a safe pill, and it's introduced to me by my ex that she's a pill expert. Buy NUROFEN 400, just take 1 pill, within 20 mins, your headache problem is solved then.

3) call yr important ones and talk to them. Conversations help really. It makes u relax and solve your problem, mentally.

I use all 3 above mentioned methods when I am drunk and hangover in the past. Within this year I use the first 2 and it helps me a lot already.

I can only write down these. Hope it helps.

Children are Kings, but I am not.

I don't specially rate what the trendy magazine did, even though I came from that scene.

But the scheme named "Children are Kings" draws my attention. Yes, children, as we all know they r our future, we want them to be better, no matter what part we can help, we help. Of coz that scheme may only be just another trashy slogan that makes nothing, I dont know, but at least it draws my attention. Just like the much bigger scale meaningful UNICEF always makes me pay attention.

So when children, like my naughty nephews, do something wrong, I will told them not to do it. Children, of coz, won't listen to, and do it again, and I will told them again, I will urge them again wholeheartedly. That's the right of children should have. I will never doubt it. Children's crying, just like lovely doggies asking, always melt my heart. Then one day child is grown, and he will bear lessons in mind for his life.

But we are grown ones. We may have no one single chance to amend what we did wrong. I can't ask a rock or a stone or a metal or a wood to give me one more one more chance, coz they all won't. They are just rock stone metal and wood. They really won't grant me any more chance. I can only blame myself, keep silent and wait the rock stone metal and wood finally will learn some language and understand what I am saying.

But maybe stone rock metal and wood are all rushed away by waves already, before they understand clearly about my asking.

In this point, I wish I am still a child. But I am not.

Maybe I will quit drinking totally very soon.

It's not funny anymore.

If I can't sleep well, I think I should try pills instead of alcohol. Some clever one told me it's much effective, hope what she said is right.

So close, far away.

We have been so close and we are far away. I don't know the reason. I want to know the reason. And I am helpless to handle it.

I wrote lots of words coz i can't sleep well, with my teeth bite themselves hard.

Then, I cancelled all the words again. Keep in hidden can keep it for long, that's the only way I can believe now.

Computer sickness, 8am and Goodbye.

My computer is very sick that I told him to have a rest. Sick like he is dying. Have u ever look at how a computer is dying? It's a very very sad scene, I can tell u.

And I kill my ICQ, coz he's not lovely enough anymore.

Just finish talk to a very clever one. He gave me many concrete advices that I can use for life. Maybe it's a turning point of my life. I hope it is. And I want to share with someone, but the someone don't want. At the end of the day, pushing is disgusting. I don't want to be a disgusting man anymore. So, forget it, again.

Sleep at late night and wake up at early 8, u are silly enough. Hope everything of you is smooth.

And, goodbye. Wish my poor computer will get well, before I get well.

My dream work.

I write for living for over 7 yrs now. And there's a secret dream work that I want to do someday.

I want to write children tales with some lovely illustrations. Yes, that's what I really want to do.

The first story of my life that I remember, is "The Happy Prince". I really don't know it's written by famous legendary writer Oscar Wilde, when I first read it when I am a boy. I am just being touched by the whole story, the story of the wholeheartedly prince statue and the wholeheartedly swallow.

I remember clearly the question come out on my mind after reading this story: why good wholeheartedly person turnout has a so miserable ending?

Of coz when I grow up, I know Oscar Wilde written out what's happening in the real world precisely. Yes, in so many occasions, life just like this. U may turnout has a miserable ending, even if u r wholehearted, even if u work hard, even if u treat everyone nice, even if u sacrifice so much. Mr. Wilde just wrote out some real thing, in the form of children tales.

And it makes children tale so special for me.