Trashy fiction.

Drink wif best frd again at usual monday nite. The atmosphere can't make me calm down, just a drink, then the feeling to be alone suddenly hits me. And I walk through my beloved park to my home.

I talk to N tonite. She knows me the most, almost becomes 1 person in the past, but we r still 2 persons finally. She teaches me so many things, to be precise. Her frd once talked to her, in all the colours he is grey. But N already changed me from dark grey to medium grey, a very great achievement for me actually. Do I want her? Yes, but can't. Happened is happened. We r both sad, I am sure. I just want N to be wiser in her coming days, and live happily. I miss Cas and Ces very very much.

And then 0122 told me she will phone me then. Huge of questions in my mind: when is then? why just phone? I got loads want to talk to 0122, tonite is the perfect nite. Not tonite is not tonite already. And not tonite means nothing meaningful already.

Maybe it's only me rate many thing too serious, but the world is not going to think what I think, or rate what I rate. I am the one can't fit in, from I am a child to I am a man now. I just can't fit in.

Everytime when I want to be serious and focus, the world think I am not serious and focus. I can't change this. And it confuzes me a whole lot, others can't understand. But I really want to be very serious and very focus ah. I am tired and exhausted.

Can anyone told me, that my writings of the start of my fiction, is it in somewhere safe she treasure? Or it becomes a trash and thrown away long long ago? I need to know really coz without it, I can't complete my own trashy fiction. Do u understand?